Dating today can feel like a circus — ghosting, endless swiping, and decoding texts. Enter Barbie Adler, VIP matchmaker and founder of Selective Search. She’s built a career helping high-profile clients find real love, but her advice applies to anyone serious about relationships.
In a recent episode on Just B Dating, she dropped some serious wisdom about dating, self-worth, and playing the game smart.
Don’t Subscribe to Outdated Dating Rules
Forget the three-date rule.
✔️ The three-date rule? Out.
✔️ Waiting to text back? Pointless.
✔️ Thinking sex too soon ruins your chances? Nope.
Barbie’s take? Know yourself. If intimacy makes you anxious, hold off. If you’re confident and stable, do what feels right. The key is making choices based on what works for you, not some rulebook.
Being Alone Isn’t a Tragedy; It’s a Power Move
One of the most badass things you can do? Own your single status. Society loves to act like being alone is sad, but Barbie and Bethenny shut that down real quick. "Being single isn’t a failure — it’s a choice," says Barbie. "When you’re content on your own, you become a magnet for the right kind of people." Confidence in your own space makes you magnetic. Stop hunting for someone to ‘complete’ you, and you’ll naturally attract better relationships.
Date with Purpose and Never Settle for Scraps
Mindless swiping is like drunk shopping — you end up with stuff you don’t actually need. Barbie swears by intentional dating. Get clear on what really matters — values, lifestyle, emotional maturity — and write that sh*t down. Superficial things like height and age? Be flexible. But things like respect, ambition, and emotional availability? Non-negotiable.
If someone isn’t meeting your standards, let them go. You don’t have time to waste.
Treat Dating Like a Business Because Your Time Is Valuable
Would you invest in a failing startup? No? Then why waste time on a relationship that’s going nowhere? Barbie likens dating to business — you need to be strategic, intentional, and ruthless with your time. If someone isn’t aligning with your needs, cut them loose. Your energy is limited — spend it wisely.
You wouldn’t stay in a dead-end job. Don’t stay in a dead-end relationship.
Love Should Complement Your Life, Not Be It
Dating isn’t about playing games, chasing people, or settling just because you think you should. It’s about knowing your worth, making smart choices, and refusing to waste time on situations that don’t serve you.
So, if you’re still searching, enjoy the ride. Love should complement your life, not be your life. And when it’s right? You’ll know. Until then, own your single era.
Want more dating advice, real talk, and no-BS relationship tips? Follow Bethenny on Instagram, TikTok, and listen to Just B Dating for the unfiltered truth on love and life.